Friday, September 28, 2012

My Very First Date

Dear Byron,

In an earlier blog I promised that I'd begin sharing some stories from our family's history. Here's one from my high school years when I attended Concordia high school and college in St. Paul, MN. You must realize that in those days Concordia was an all boys school, in the Deutsche (German) Gymnasium model of earlier centuries. It was set up in a six class levels, from freshman high school through sophomore college. Each class level had a Latin name. The lowest was called Sexta (six) and the highest Prima (one). As a result, we boys talked much about, but had very little experience with GIRLS—those mysterious creatures who lived outside of and beyond our reach.

And yet it was Spring, the time for the annual Junior-Senior banquet. I was a "Quartaner"(junior in high school) at the time.

Now understand one more profound fact. In our school we did not dance. With whom would one dance anyway? There were no girls and you certainly would not dance! with a guy. We knew how to play baseball, basketball and football, but most of us knew absolutely nothing about dancing. Consequently the usual high school Junior-Senior Prom was out! However, the Junior-Senior Banquet was in. Eat we could do. Eating was indeed one of our specialties and if the school OK'd an event with food, we were all for it. Forget the dancing. Give us food.

Since, as you might expect, I was already known for my ability to imitate accents and tell stories, I was to be part of the entertainment for the night. That was fine with me, except that I was supposed to have a date—with a . . . with a . . . with a GIRL! And I didn’t know a single girl to invite. In fact, I had never even asked a girl to go out with me anywhere. What to do? What to do indeed. 

A number of us came upon an amazing solution. The Lutheran Church Of The Redeemer was but a couple miles ride away from our school on the Selby-Dale streetcar line. On Sunday evenings they had Walther League meetings. The Walther League was a youth gathering named after the first president of the Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod, JFW Walther, who was elected back in the middle of the nineteenth century, a hundred years before. So four of us set off to that Walther League meeting but one week before the upcoming J-S Banquet. This was urgent. 

The group welcomed us strangers from Concordia with shy smiles and invited us to be seated. We sang a hymn, suffered through what we considered a boring Bible study and a couple of rather silly group games before we could proceed with our real reason for being there. Finally it was time to have some snacks and meet the GIRLS!

But how do you do that? 

It took all the courage I could muster to shuffle over to a cute little blond who stood with a couple of her friends. I prayed silently that she wouldn’t be turned off by the acne pimples that kept popping out on my cheeks and neck in those days. Taking a bite of my chocolate brownie, I sputtered, “Hu. . .hu. . . hi! I’m Al. Sure was nice of you guys to have us visit.” 

They all began to laugh at once. “Really,” said one, “did we invite you?” 

“Well, not exactly,” I said after swallowing the brownie bite. “But we did notice the meeting in the bulletin last Sunday.” 

You guys go to Concordia,” said another.

“Uh huh,” I replied. “We do. Ever been there?”

“Naw,” said the little blond. “They don’t allow girls at your school.” 

“You’re right,” I replied. This was getting me nowhere. I took another brownie bite and almost decided to thank them for the food and head for the door. Forget the banquet. The committee could get somebody else for the entertainment who might have a girl to sit with him. I’d go, eat the food and rush back to my dorm. Getting all dressed up was no fun anyway.  

Almost. But maybe I could give it one more try. 

“Yeah, you’re right. We don’t have girls at our school,” I continued. “Not that we have anything against girls. It’s just that, just that . . .” Then I realized I didn’t know why girls were forbidden—not really. But then it came to me. “Its just that we’re all gonna be pastors and girls can’t be.” Oh, no!! Why’d I say such a dumb thing?

The girls were all laughing again. “Well, none of us intend to be pastors anyway,” one said, “so you might as well not have us around.” 

“But we do want you—I mean, we don’t got nothing against girls. Our mothers are all girls and some of us have sisters. I mean . . .” Oh, for heavens sake, what did I mean? 

Then the little blond saved me. “I heard you guys are having a banquet in a week. One of my friends said she’s invited.” 

“Yeah, we are,” I said. “Would you like to go?” 

“Sure,” she said. “Are you inviting me?” 

“Uh . . . sure, I sure am. What’s your name?” 

“Marilyn, Marilyn Minar.” 

And so it began, my very first ever date with a GIRL! Marilyn, I later learned, was the daughter of the owner of Minar Ford, a big car dealership in Minneapolis dating all the way back to 1917. By the way, Minar Ford is still around. It was sold in 2002 to became New Brighton Ford.

Anyway, I took the Selby-Dale streetcar and got off a block away from where she lived. I had polished my shoes and put on my best and only suit and tie. When I was a couple houses away I distinctly remember the feeling of wanting to run, run as fast as I could—in the other direction. But I couldn’t. It was the banquet night and everybody was counting on me. Besides I spent three dollars for the flowers and I was not about to waste all that money. 

Marilyn was waiting when I arrived. Her mom helped her pin on the flowers to her pretty blue party dress. She smelled nice, like lilacs. Her hair was very nice too. She took my arm and somehow we made it to the streetcar line. I paid for the tickets and we rode to Concordia. I wish I could tell you what we talked about on that ride, but my memory is blank. 

The rest of the evening is a big blur in my mind too. We sat at a table with two other couples. Marilyn found her girl friend before the banquet started. They stood together for a while, giggling and telling stories before we were all seated. 

I think I did OK with my reading. A couple of people even laughed—I think—and they clapped when I was done. Don’t ask me what we ate or what I said to Marilyn on the way back. I do remember her standing in the doorway of her house. “I had a good time,” she said. 

“I did too.” I mumbled. “Well, g’night.” 

“Good night,” she replied, smiling. 

“OK, g’night then.” I turned to walk down the sidewalk and back to the streetcar. I never saw Marilyn again. I’ve often wondered if she remembers that night.

I wonder what it'll be like when you have your first date with a girl. 

We love you, Byron, 

GGPa


Thursday, September 13, 2012

Toddler Stranger Anxiety

Dear Byron,

Why did you cry? As soon as I stepped into the garage you started to scream, even though you were in your Mommy's arms. She said you were tired and hungry. It was the end of another long day for you I know. But there was more. Your seemed frightened of me!

Perhaps it was only that you were tired, I thought. So I turned away to help your Daddy unload the table from the U-Haul trailer. We picked the table up from Aunt Cassie's apartment where it had been deposited by the moving company the previous week. The table originally belonged to your other Great-Grandma Sherry before she went to heaven. Now it belongs to your Mommy and Daddy as part of their inheritance and as long as Aunt Cassie was moving to Houston from the Rio Grande Valley anyway she brought the table along. Now Daddy and I moved it into your house.

As we moved the table and chairs into your kitchen your Mommy got you some milk to drink and for a little while you seemed satisfied. But then you looked at me and began to scream and carry on again. And I wondered why. Did you not live at our house for many months? Did we not play and laugh together? Yes, G-Gma and I have been gone to Colorado for a couple months this summer, but surely you remember me—or have you already forgotten? Am I now a complete and very frightening stranger to you?

G-Gma suggested that you suffer from Toddler Stranger Anxiety. Here is what I read in an article on the web.
Stranger anxiety is not just reserved for babies. It’s a phenomenon in which toddlers, often between the ages of 12 and 24 months, view anyone other than their parents as a threat — even if that someone is their (formerly) favorite Aunt Michelle. Why does toddler stranger anxiety suddenly rears its ugly — and strange — head? Experts aren’t exactly sure. And, adding to the mystery, some kids are gripped by it, while others never feel it at all. One thing experts do know: You didn’t do anything bad to make it happen. On the contrary, stranger anxiety is a natural and normal part of development — and it’s a sign that your child has a healthy bond to you.
Mommy, Daddy and the rest of us want to help you. 
  • We'll reassure you. Don't be scared. Mommy and Daddy will take care of you. Its OK if you want them to hold you. You are safe in their arms. And meanwhile I and other "strangers" will stay a safe distance away.
  • Mommy and Daddy will stay close at hand. They'll always be available to hold you and stay close. And I know they will give you lots of loving until you and I get re-acquainted. And if any other "strangers" show up, they'll always be there for you.
  • Both G-GMa and your parents have reassured me. I did feel kinda bad when you acted so frightened, but I felt lots better when G-GMa reminded me about this phase in your growing up. Daddy assured me a couple times that it was really nothing and that you would get over it. And you sorta did after a half hour or so. We even bounced a big ball back and forth. Of course, I noticed that you needed to have Aunt Cassie close at hand. But that's OK. 
  • We're all going to coach friends and family. We'll let everyone know that you need a little time to warm up to people. We'll explain that it’s best not to rush in and pick you up or demand hugs and kisses the minute we see you. Instead, we'll tell them to play it cool for a bit, and then maybe, after you feel comfortable, we'll offer you a favorite toy as a way to connect.
  • Mommy and Daddy will stick around before leaving you with us or any other caregiver. Maybe they'll leave you with G-GMa and me in the next week or so. If so, we'll certainly want to give you a chance to calm down and get comfortable before they take off. I noted especially that you weren't frightened of G-GMa. That's good. It'll help you when Mommy and Daddy leave and will make the transition a lot easier for you as you deal with your stranger anxiety. And meanwhile you and I might even get to play some more of those games we used to play or read one of those fun books.
  • We'll all take it slow. This stuff can be frustrating for  you as well as the rest of us. It may even take months for it to go away, but we have plenty of time and we will be patient. We don't want you to be frightened. We know it is all part of growing up and becoming an independent person. And we want to give you all the time you need to do that.
All because we love you very, very much.

G-GPa