Toddler Stranger Anxiety

Dear Byron,

Why did you cry? As soon as I stepped into the garage you started to scream, even though you were in your Mommy's arms. She said you were tired and hungry. It was the end of another long day for you I know. But there was more. Your seemed frightened of me!

Perhaps it was only that you were tired, I thought. So I turned away to help your Daddy unload the table from the U-Haul trailer. We picked the table up from Aunt Cassie's apartment where it had been deposited by the moving company the previous week. The table originally belonged to your other Great-Grandma Sherry before she went to heaven. Now it belongs to your Mommy and Daddy as part of their inheritance and as long as Aunt Cassie was moving to Houston from the Rio Grande Valley anyway she brought the table along. Now Daddy and I moved it into your house.

As we moved the table and chairs into your kitchen your Mommy got you some milk to drink and for a little while you seemed satisfied. But then you looked at me and began to scream and carry on again. And I wondered why. Did you not live at our house for many months? Did we not play and laugh together? Yes, G-Gma and I have been gone to Colorado for a couple months this summer, but surely you remember me—or have you already forgotten? Am I now a complete and very frightening stranger to you?

G-Gma suggested that you suffer from Toddler Stranger Anxiety. Here is what I read in an article on the web.

Stranger anxiety is not just reserved for babies. It’s a phenomenon in which toddlers, often between the ages of 12 and 24 months, view anyone other than their parents as a threat — even if that someone is their (formerly) favorite Aunt Michelle. Why does toddler stranger anxiety suddenly rears its ugly — and strange — head? Experts aren’t exactly sure. And, adding to the mystery, some kids are gripped by it, while others never feel it at all. One thing experts do know: You didn’t do anything bad to make it happen. On the contrary, stranger anxiety is a natural and normal part of development — and it’s a sign that your child has a healthy bond to you.

Mommy, Daddy and the rest of us want to help you. 

• We'll reassure you. Don't be scared. Mommy and Daddy will take care of you. Its OK if you want them to hold you. You are safe in their arms. And meanwhile I and other "strangers" will stay a safe distance away.

• Mommy and Daddy will stay close at hand. They'll always be available to hold you and stay close. And I know they will give you lots of loving until you and I get re-acquainted. And if any other "strangers" show up, they'll always be there for you.

• Both G-GMa and your parents have reassured me. I did feel kinda bad when you acted so frightened, but I felt lots better when G-GMa reminded me about this phase in your growing up. Daddy assured me a couple times that it was really nothing and that you would get over it. And you sorta did after a half hour or so. We even bounced a big ball back and forth. Of course, I noticed that you needed to have Aunt Cassie close at hand. But that's OK. 

• We're all going to coach friends and family. We'll let everyone know that you need a little time to warm up to people. We'll explain that it’s best not to rush in and pick you up or demand hugs and kisses the minute we see you. Instead, we'll tell them to play it cool for a bit, and then maybe, after you feel comfortable, we'll offer you a favorite toy as a way to connect.

• Mommy and Daddy will stick around before leaving you with us or any other caregiver. Maybe they'll leave you with G-GMa and me in the next week or so. If so, we'll certainly want to give you a chance to calm down and get comfortable before they take off. I noted especially that you weren't frightened of G-GMa. That's good. It'll help you when Mommy and Daddy leave and will make the transition a lot easier for you as you deal with your stranger anxiety. And meanwhile you and I might even get to play some more of those games we used to play or read one of those fun books.

• We'll all take it slow. This stuff can be frustrating for  you as well as the rest of us. It may even take months for it to go away, but we have plenty of time and we will be patient. We don't want you to be frightened. We know it is all part of growing up and becoming an independent person. And we want to give you all the time you need to do that.

All because we love you very, very much.

G-GPa

Your New Home

Dear Byron,

You're gone. This past weekend you, Mommy and Daddy, all left us to go live in your brand new home. You were here for three whole months and now you're gone. Oh, you're not that far away. We live in the suburban part of Houston and now you live inside loop 610, about fifteen minutes from where your parents work. That's one of the big reasons they bought your new home. Both you and they will be much closer to the downtown area of Houston and you won't have to travel so far.

But we'll miss you. We'll miss your happy smile. We'll miss the excitement of learning so many new things. And you certainly did learn lots right in front of our eyes in these past three months.

• You learned how to drink from a cup and how to hold your own 'sippy' cup. And just this very weekend you gave up drinking from a bottle. Wow! You're really a growing kid. 

• You learned so much coordination with your hands. You went from having to grab this or that with your entire hand to being able to pick up little pieces of food with your index finger and thumb. And boy, do you ever love to push the buttons on my iPhone with your finger. 

• You also learned to hold a spoon and spoon food out of a cup or off your own dish. You love to feed yourself and you're getting better at it every day. 

• You're just beginning to learn how to sit on your trike, not quite with the pedals yet—that will come later—but you're learning to pull and push with your sturdy little legs. More to come in that arena. 

• You learned to say your first words. You say 'Momma' and 'Dadda' and 'Bye' and your favorite expression, 'Duck, duck, duck!' When you get going with something new you break out into that chant and we all see how proud you are of yourself. 

• But here's the biggy. In the past couple weeks you learned to stand on your own two feet AND TO WALK! Wow! 'Duck, duck, duck!' everywhere now. How very happy we all are to see you walking. Every so often you slip and go plop down on your bottom, but then up you come and off you go, 'Duck, duck, ducking' along. Its been great to behold. 

We also note your curiosity. You want to touch everything, hold it, tear it apart, examine it, feel it, sometimes taste it. So many curious and wonderful experiences. Its a big, glorious world and little by little your own private world is expanding even as your body and mind grow and develop. And all the things I mentioned above have been in only these past three months. I can hardly wait to see what will happen in the next three to six months.

But you have a new home, the first I imagine of many. Your Daddy tells us that he fully expects your family will even move overseas to some far, far away place like Korea or Singapore or something like that for a few years. After all, he is an engineer and he works for an international energy company. So many adventures await you and your family as you learn about this big, big world.

But wherever you go, wherever you and your Mommy and Daddy make your home, we know that we'll be welcome to visit, just as you visited us these past three months. And one more thing, a word from our dear Lord Jesus, 

Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. - John 14:23 ESV 

As you grow you will understand more and more that Jesus has already made His home in your heart. You will learn more and more about His never-ending love and care for you and your family. Keep that good Word in your heart. Guard it carefully. Don't let anyone or any thing take it from you. And the more you learn about His love, the more you will see Him and hear Him and talk with Him in your home.

Each evening while you were here at our home we prayed for you, thanking Jesus for the day and for His protection and blessings. Our prayers will continue, Byron. God bless you and Mommy and Daddy.

We love you,

GGPa